Bemused

Bad News: My muse has got the blues, she's under the duvet, says she'll choose to become a recluse, I tried to coax her out but she refused.

D B...

Clue: each letter is a word

A  B.

I  C  A  B.

U  C  A  B?

R,  I  C  A  B.

O  L,  I  8  D  B!

Y?

D  B,  U  C,

E  B 

stingin' me!

Invasion

Mighty monsters whistle, whoop and screech 
as I cower, fearful, in an alley. 
Oh actually, my mistake, 
it’s just the Steam and Vintage rally.



T#132

How to Anger a Poetry Critic

This attempt to be poetic isn’t very energetic, so I hope you’re feeling really sympathetic. If it makes you apoplectic I am most apologetic

T#128

Anne a la French Class avec une Polish Chocolate Doughnut

Mon ami elle est un laff, 

bought un doughnut from le caff, 

stuffed her bouche dans la classe francais, 

now she’s covered in Crème Anglais! 

T#117

Living in hope...

The lottery’s on the TV. 

I grasp my ticket tightly. 

Watch the numbers eagerly. 

They say the winner could be me, 

apparently. 

It isn’t though.

T#115

Its a good 'un

They say it isn’t how you start, but finishing with a flourish, when writing verse the hardest part is getting it to scan and be rhymey. ish




T#109

Racheal's Town

In Newport Pagnell, 
dreams come true, 
I’d love to live there, 
wouldn’t you? 
Come on Tweeters, 
let’s get down, 
to Newport Pagnell, 
Supertown!


T#102

Alternative Voting

Give me Artistic Validation, Astonishing Variety, Asymmetric Vegetables and Aerated Vests. 

I want Acrobatic Voles! 

Vote for AV, 

just say yes

My 100^th twoem is not only topical, it’s interactive! 

What AVs would you vote for? 

Can you guess what AV I thought of 
but couldn’t fit into the poem?

T#100

Mistress Jenny's Dilemma

Lumme said the comely wench, 

and lawks-a-mercy too, 

what a mound of toil for me to do. 

I’d better get off Twitter 

or there’ll be a how-de-do


Written for Jenni Waugh, who admits to being touched. In many ways.



T#84 

No more than anything else

Shiny black bin bag, filled with fresh air, tied to my head, carried round all day, open at bed time, find out what’s there, makes no sense.



T#82

Not really Haiku

This has the conventions of a Haiku poem but without the sensibilities which are an integral part of a 'real' haiku. I hope you like it anyway:


Anyone seen them?
Spheres of glass, pretty colours?
I've lost my marbles!

Working Dogs

The Afghan opened a rug shop and the Boxer started a gym, 

The Pointer offered guided tours and the Parson Jack Russell?

He’s singing a Hymn!



T#66

WWCED?

If I have a problem, need to think things through, 

I ask myself a question, I hope you’ll use it too. 

I say, 

“What Would Clint Eastwood Do?”



T#64

The whirring of the lambs

The grass beneath my feet

is kept short and neat

by the lawnmower teeth of sheep. 

          

If you get your feet near sheep,

for health and safety’s sake

wear boots with toecaps,

for I fear their mouths

are swirling- bladed Qualcasts.

Bathing with Roger

I’m taking a bath with Roger McGough. 
He’s much cleverer than I; funny, witty and dry. 
I haven’t said anything witty yet, 
I’m also very wet.



T#55

'appy days

We saw a cloud of insects. There’s been an atch, he said, 

happily discarding an aitch. 

Sometimes, I wondered, might an atch precede an itch?



T#52

Conversing with bees

First bee of spring, making love to flowers outside a florist’s shop. There are better ones inside, I said, but he couldn’t manage the door.



T#51

Step away from the computer

My eyes, rectangular and glazed. Feeling woolly headed, rather dazed. Been starin at th moniter two long. I wurid thut mi braynz r goin rong



T#50

Things that go bump in the night

Getting into bed, I dropped my head, and it rolled away in the dark. Retrieving it from a dusty corner, I replaced it upside down. Confusing



T#47