Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Guest Post- The Room Of Abuse

This was written not by me but by someone who has struggled for years to come to terms with his father's behaviour. It seems obvious, when living with an abuser, that somehow their attitude towards you is your own fault. That if only you could change, they might treat you differently. This can lead to self harm and mental illness that doesn't go away even when the abuser is gone. If the abuser is a parent there is a lifelong link which can't be broken, a horror at being tied by your genes to this person who you have come to despise. There is also guilt- that you were powerless to stop them; that you couldn't change yourself into the person they seemed to want you to be (an impossibility, but nevertheless...); that everyone should love, honour and respect their parents and somehow it is your fault that you don't; that you got something wrong, somewhere, but you don't know what it was, or why, or how you could have been different... the litany of self-blame goes on and on. This piece of writing is this person's way of trying to address these issues and a way of placing the responsibility firmly at the abuser's door; imagining a punishment for them that you know will never be administered but that gives you some sense of catharsis and of regaining control. It seems harsh, but don't judge it harshly- imagine the helplessness in being yelled at for asking your father if he'd like a cup of tea because you used the 'wrong tone of voice', and that that is the least and most insignificant example of why this person would like, in his imagination, to punish his abuser.
The whole random quality of the imaginary punishment meted out here, its arbitrary nature, mirrors a key factor in many instances of psychological abuse. The abused person is always being wrong-footed, what was right today is wrong tomorrow, and vice versa. There is no way of guessing, or second guessing, what the trigger will be for an outburst, so there is no strategy for avoiding its inevitability.  
see also 
not averse to verse: Another evening in

The Room Of Abuse-  A Special Hell Designed For Abusers- Generalised Edition. Edit As Required.

The Room Of Abuse, henceforth ROA, is a special Hell thought of, devised as a very personal Hell for the virulent, abusive, pestilent  stains on Humanity that are Abusers. This is the generalised room, feel free to edit it based on personal tastes and requirements.

The ROA is one room that imprisons the abuser, no human contact, only their own voice telling them how crap they are, over and over and over. Listing exaggerations of all their faults non-stop, varying in volume from a near subliminal whisper to deafening bellows 24/7, not that time has any real meaning.  
The abuser will be kept naked the whole time they are in the ROA.
The lights will go on and off arbitrarily at all hours, sometimes after minutes, sometimes after days, food is served out of synch, so breakfast could come in the ‘morning’ of at ‘night’. If the abuser refuses to eat the abuser is tranquilised and force fed until healthy (ish) again, then the ROA continues its regime.
The ROA has one chair at one table, one bed etc, much like a cold, clinical cell. The ROA deposits food when offered on the table via a airlock style hatch and when the abuser sits to eat they may eat safely, or have the chair slam their face into the food, or have disgusting tasting food, only to be belittled and demeaned for refusing to eat the ‘nice food I prepared for you’ told to them in their own voice. The chair, indeed all furniture, may violate the abuser*, or commit physical violence of any sort, at any time, or it may not, with no discernable pattern, keeping the abuser constantly off guard.
Holes may open in the walls and a fist may punch the abuser at any time, at others it may not, just so the abuser is unaware and kept off guard. This may happen at any timer ‘day’ or ‘night’. The hand will look like the abusers, if the abuser has distinguishing marks then the hand will have identical ones, tattoos etc will all be the same. This should really mess with the abusers head nicely.
Sleep deprivation will play a big part, the abuser should fear physically violent and non physically violent abuse at all hours, ‘day’ or ‘night’, and should have trouble sleeping, but suffer if they don’t settle down in bed when told to, so they’ll fear not going to bed as much as going to bed. Many other things like this should be done to keep the abuser worrying about punitive and inconsistent punishment at any time, for doing something that didn’t get punished, and for not doing something that got punished. Much like abusers’ do to their victims/ survivors (delete as appropriate).

Ideally all abusers end up in this special hell, and they bloody well deserve it. Deliberately destroying peoples’ minds, souls, bodies and lives for their amusement, pleasure, entertainment, warped view of reality and as a proxy for their own deserved fate for being evil.

*This was added because my Father, my abuser, has a thing about anal sex and gay men. You can hear his rectum clenching so tight it threatens to suck him into it and create a tiny Black Hole. It is pathetic, really pathetic.

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